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you are right to feel the way that you do, this is your special occassions, and you have every right to not want her there and she should not come unless she is told she can.
I also agree with the fact that your DH should step in and tell her that this isn't her thing, and she is not to come.
These are two imes when your should feel the happiest in the world, not upset or worry about her showing up and what she will say or do. There is enought to worry about getting ready to not need that added stress.
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