I have this posted on a couple forums but am going totally crazy and appreciate any thoughts anyone has on this mess.
OK - here is the skinny. Anyone who has read my threads knows I have a son I am anxious to be reunited with once he is of age. He turns 18 soon. What you don't know is my husband was married before we got married and has an evil, vicious ex-wife. They were married 3 years and have been apart 15 - although the legalities make it like 12 or 13 years divorced. They had a son (14 - born after they separated) who was adopted by her husband 8 years ago. We love him dearly but could not bear to have him tangled in this mess of hatred between her and my husband. We have, at her request, had no contact with him in 4 years. Although, he has come to our house a couple times without her knowing it, and we would never turn him away, but even that has been 2 years or so.
The other day I was on myspace, and I noticed she had a myspace site. It said something mean about my husband and I thought - how sad she still thinks of him like that. I was trying to tell a friend about it and pulled her site up yesterday - to my surprise - my birthson, the one I am hoping to reunite with - is in her list of friends. He lives in a different town, and I have no clue how or why she would make contact with him except to hurt me. I am so confused, and to be honest, freaking that she gets on here and reads the posts I come to for support.
OK - so I call my dad's cousin - the adoptive father of my son. Have not talked to him in 17 years. We are family though, and the parent instinct kicked in. I would not want a 45 year old soliciting my children online. He was sort of unmoved by it. He said he would talk to my son about it but did not view her as a threat. My dad's cousin also said a couple things I felt were a little hurtful to me about how my son doesn't even want to know me - etc, but the point of my call was to protect my son, so I put that aside. It still hurt.
Since I had him on the phone, and the birthday is nearing, I even asked the adad if we could approach him together rather than me contact him around the aparents. Adad said he did not think amom would have that as she has known I wanted contact with him all along, and she knows the day is coming. I still think & I have read so many posts where going at reunion together (aparents and bparents - and for Godsake - we are relatives - although I don't think that matters much to them) is a positive. They don't feel the same way - they think maybe if I call him in a few years it will be ok - but they seem to revel in telling me he doesn't want anything to do with his b-father, which I don't think is true but even if it is, why would you want that for your child?
Couple this with the fact my son's bio-father called him this summer, I just don't understand why I can't have peace and quiet until he and I are able and ready to reunite.
I was never in favor of his adoption, but I have respected his family and the court order, why does this crap keep happening when we are so close to being able to know each other? I don't want him to know the whole nasty story yet, and trust me, it's not because it produces an unfavorable light on me, it's the other way around.
Words of wisdom are appreciated - I am just beyond knowing what to think
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