Quote:
|
Originally Posted by cfredsal
I'm just wondering if I'm worrying too much about the inequity. Did you have the same thoughts before you adopted your second son? If so, what resources, advise, etc... helped you to go forward with the adoption?
|
Cheryl
I am so sorry it has taken so long to reply to your post. Monday, my 6-yr-old got tubes in his ears to remedy his ongoing infections, and I'm VERY behind in many areas of my life.
Honestly, I didn't worry that much about the probable inequity in our two adoption scenarios. I guess I was too busy worrying about everything else. For instance, I was worried if we were doing the right thing by adopting again, whether we'd ever be chosen, if the baby would be fussy, if we were too old to handle another infant, if my older son would feel neglected, etc. etc. ETC!!!! I must say that ALL these concerns evaporated once E was placed with us.
There were many days, especially as we approached our informal "deadline" for waiting for a second child, that I really thought it wasn't meant to be. But a month shy of giving up, we were chosen.
Our agency offered us a lot of education about the range of open situations that might come to us. I came to realize that there would likely be differences in our children's relationships with their first families even if H's adoption had been open. I guess I would liken it to "in-law" relationships. Some sisters-in-law take a more active role in our kids lives than others. Some are distant, some are involved. All are there. All love our kids, but in different ways.
Another thing I realize is that we are still on the fringe of the openess issue being something our sons even acknowledge. As I said, H hasn't expressed interest in his adoptive roots yet (although he did once note that he must have gotten his big muscles from his birthfather - sorry, hubby!). Maybe it's a boy thing. We've yet to get deeply into questions about his birth parents, but knowing E's first family might just spark his interest.
I guess in summary I would say that I wasn't preoccupied with the fact that H's adoption experience would be vastly different than that of his new sibling. I feel many things play themselves out over time, and I guess this issue fell into that catagory for me.
Thanks for your interest in our experiences! I'm so glad to share them with you!
Donna