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Well, of course all open adoptions are different, and you'll wind up working out what works for you and for your child's birthmother. Our experience has been a pretty easy one. We're in a medium sized city, bmom lives w/ her parents in a suburb about 20 minutes from our home but doesn't drive. We see her about once a month,either at our home or out at a restaurant or park---sometimes I take her with me to get a manicure. We e-mail and talk on the phone in between. We had a quick placement, and no one had any real idea of how much contact was going to be comfortable for everyone, so we left it pretty fluid.
At first, her parents wanted more contact than I felt like I could manage---not because I don't like them or the idea of an open arrangement, but because it got very difficult to manage the time, they'd want to stay 2 hours at a shot, or they'd call in the evenings (I HATE to talk on the phone.) That's tapered off now.
We go to their important family events (bmom's graduation) and they came for H's baptism, Christmas Eve, a special mass that our local Catholic Charities (agency) did for birthmothers. They'll be at his first birthday party this weekend. We give her birthday gifts, and I'm sending her flowers on H's actual birthday with a "thinking of you" card. It sounds like a lot, but I always think of it like acquiring in-laws---you'll probably have some regular contact and celebrate some special occasions together in some way.
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