No you didn't appear like a spoiled brat. I just wish I had been able to see my dd at her Prom.
Back to the subject at hand- I'd like to expand on my previous post. I like a lot of others tried hard to avoid thinking about the adoption until I got a letter from my dd 33 years later. While answering seemingly endless questions via e-mail I was averaging only 3 hours of sleep a night thinking and crying over the past. After about 6 weeks I got sleeping pills and was able to sleep for about 5 hours a night. I declined counciling at that time thinking I'd be okay once I saw her,
When dd came to my home she brought my file from the maturnity home/
adoption agency. I'm glad that she did. It was interesting and validating if you read between the lines.
It was wonderful seeing her and worth every second of sleep that I lost She is a lovely girl
and she brought her husband and baby
but it was hard to let her go.
I started therapy because it was sooo hard to let go- and because reviewing all the events and issues of the adoption as an adult raised new feelings of anger and questions in my own mind. I decided that I wasn't going to swallow it all this time. It is a good thing that I started therapy when I did - because shortly after my daughter started pulling away. I was heart-broken and felt inadaquate once again. My therapist has helped me to deal with this stuff. I'm not done with therapy yet but I am feeling better about myself and am finding ways to forgive (prayer helps a lot also) and deal the past. I have avoided driving my dd crazy persuing her but I am taking little steps toward starting a friendship with her.
Some days are better than others but it would be worse without help.