[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

I know I was kind of a schmuck this year because I did not do anything for b-mom for Mother's Day. For one, she was/is in an in-patient treatment center and unable to accept mail from people who are not on her contact list. But, bio-grandma contacted me about a week before Mother's Day to give me her address at the center. For another, we were right in the middle of moving, and further more we got the keys to our new house at 8:45pm and DH was scheduled for major surgery at 6:00am the following morning. After this he was laid up for 3 weeks while I completed the move...and watched the kids to boot. So, yes, I screwed up on Mother's Day...but I have sent her letters and pictures since.

Anyway, I received a letter from her today...it was actually written to "Bear". It stated to please have your picture taken in the outfit I bought you so that I can see how you look in it. She also "reminded" him that her b-day was on 9/XX and she would be 16! OK about the outfit...easy enough to do, but really not exactly easy to remember when I am running after 2 little guys all day long. I will, however, remember the next time he is wearing it to take a pic. But, the comment about her b-day?? Maybe I am taking it wrong. Maybe it is just her age? I don't know. I just feel like I am being made to feel obligated to do something for her b-day.

Yes, we have an open adoption agreement. But I do not recall anything that said we needed to celebrate b-mom's milestones in life. I know that sounds bitter, but...except for my Mother's Day screw up (which I didn't even get so much as a card myself because of the chaos)...we have gone beyond the open adoption agreement. This despite the fact that she has done nothing to keep up her end.

Maybe part of my frustration is the way Bear's family acts toward the rest of our kids. (we just had a visit recently) They just kind of say "hi" in passing and run over the top of them to get to him. They don't even acknowlege them as Bear's siblings. They are just "the girls and Bug". I realize HE is their bio family, but I will not have a rift between my kids because of this. The girls already feel it and have made comment. Probably because they are "the girls" and they don't even bother calling them by their names.

So, what would you do? Do you send your b-mom a b-day card? I mean I didn't even know her b-day was this month until I got the letter. I mean I knew from his file, but I did not memorize it or mark it on a calendar.