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We have four adopted children. Only the baby is a truly open adoption, although I have contact with our 7 yr. old's birthmom and our daughter has spoken to her on the phone and they write so that is also considered open, but she has not (re)met our daughter. It has been an issue with our oldest son, age 9, who has some strong feelings about not even having a photo of his birthmother. Also, I, a-mom, am caucasian and our children are black and biracial so I do feel very sad that our very sensitive son does not even have a photo of his biomom. I know that it is difficult for him when he hears that his sister's birthmom has called or when our baby's birthmom visits. I know he feels how much we love (adore) him but I think it will always cause some difficult feelings in him. I continue to try to open the adoption with his birthmom, or with her extended family, in the hope that one day he will feel the comfort of knowing how much they truly do love him. My gut is that his birthmother just cannot handle that she placed her precious boy 9 years ago at this point in her life. So I tell him, over and over again, how special she is, how she COULD NOT parent (any of her children) at the point he was born and that she thought she was doing the right thing by placing him with a family that she hoped could do better for him. There are always issues in adoptions, open or closed. It is not the perfect answer for any woman to have to choose to place her baby at a time when she feels she cannot parent but, at times, it may be her only hope for her child. Be strong as a family, whether you choose open or closed adoption, and your child will grow to respect himself and those that have given him life and those that have given him a forever family.
Josie
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