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Originally Posted by tigger44
Kim,
As I stated in my post, this has been on my mind for quite a while, so I don't feel I asked the question out of overreacting. Also, as stated I used examples that came to mind, understand that some seem petty.
I have found plenty of opportunities to ask these people not to do certain things with our daughter. But I am puzzled about this particular group of people. Not that I don't want them to feel concern for my daughter, but because of her issues with trust, and not wanting to seem abrasive to these particular people. Also, If I understand why these type of people continually offer nurture to my child, I can better understand how to approach them on thier level. I already feel plenty judged as a parent by those who offer their advice or opinions about how my daughter's behavior "is normal".
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I'm sorry. I hope you didn't feel that I was "judging you" too. I personally often end up overreacting when I let little things build up. My response to the whole is out of proportion to the sum of the little things. Perhaps that's what I thought you were doing as well -- and I didn't know that you'd already told people what they should not do with your daughter. (I realized from your first note that this wasn't a blow-up over one incident that just happened.) I apologize for assuming you were feeling the same way I do somtimes.
1. I think these people do this because they think they're helping.
2. I think you will have to be very firm with these people because they will have difficulty understanding why "being nice" is a bad thing. You might have to be firm (abrasive) enough that it hurts their feelings, but you need to do what's right for your family. Perhaps prefacing this with "I know you may not understand the reasons, but I need you to trust me that this is the right thing for my daughter..." will help soften the blow.