[angelkisses0102]

I have been at this for about 2.5 years now and there is no way to change these folks...personally I limit time with these types of folks in general. As parents of kids who have attachment struggles or AD/RAD...we get judged often, told we are terrible parents, that we are overreacting, that our kids are normal. We know that it not true...but you will never convince that group and many others. Period. But know you are doing what is best for your daughter.

I had issues with my MIL and tried to address them in a round about way. That backfired and we had a huge blow out in the middle of the night...while they were staying at our house and they left. It was terrible but we finally got those ground rules understood. I tried to explain and finally it came down to me saying that while I appreciated her advice she did not raise a PI child who is struggling with his past. He is not a 'normal' toddler as much as we would love it...he isn't. We are doing what we need to do to heal our child and what we feel is right. If they could not respect our wishes they would not be involved in our son's life during this healing timeframe. No response needed. Finally, now they realize his issues are 'real' and are not just going to go away or be explained as 'normal' toddler behavior.

I no longer care if I hurt someone else's feelings with my responses, especially those who choose to not understand. I would simply tell them that we do not allow our child to be fed (or be touchy-feely-ed) by others...if you can not respect our wishes...you will not be allowed to be present during any meals or snacks (or in general.) And if they do not adhere, follow thru. Harsh to some but... You can try to explain forever but some refuse to believe or hear what you are saying.

As for the co-worker I would just say we are working on some issues with trust and stranger danger and at this point no else is allowed to hold your daughter.

I think we tend to build up a defensiveness over time...there are only so many time we can be told how 'wrong' we are. Let it go...you are being the best mom you can be to your little girl. She will get better because you have the courage and strength to admit she is having 'struggles' or 'issues' and you are doing whatever it takes to heal her...get support from those who understand. (I don't know if you belong to the listserve at Home but there are plenty of folks there with kids that are not RAD but suffer with anxious insecure attachment. They make me feel so much better when no one else seems to understand. We are the norm there...)