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Originally Posted by creatively
My husband and I are hoping to begin the adoption process in the very near future. We are interested in hearing about people's experiences with both domestic and international adoptions. What are the "pros" and "cons" of each?
We have heard that international adoptions are a better option for "older" parents like ourselves (I am 41 and my husband is 35) and those who prefer not to have an open adoption. Is that really the case? We have also heard that domestic adoptions are more likely to fall through. Has that been your experience?
Some more background -- We would like to adopt an infant (or a child that is less than a year old). Ethnic background or birth country is not an issue.
Any advice or information would be most appreciated!
Thanks!
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There is no one 'best' way to adopt, just a best way for you. Understand there is no risk-free way to be a parent either. You've got to balance risks vs. desires, and not everyone has the same risk-tolerances.
For instance, in international adoption, common risks include:
Risks around buraucracy - two governments, international issues, often multiple languages.
Risks around travel - planned.
Risks around finances/fees/expenses/costs
Risks around unknown/poor prenatal care and nutrition
Risks around poor infant nutrition and care
Risks around unknown biological (genetic) family history
Risks around exposure to abuse, neglect, institutionalization, known or unknown at time of placement
CHILD magazine last year (June/July '05) ran a great article on medical issues written by a pediatrician. Your library probably has a copy on file.
Most international adoptions are 'closed', and most involve children under 3. Newborns are generally not possible, though infants under 6 months are possible in some programs.
In domestic parental placement:
Risks around expectant parents choosing to parent/not execute their adoption plan, either before or after birth
Risks around travel - planned or unplanned.
Risks around finances/fees/expenses/costs
Risks around poor prenatal care and nutrition
Most domestic parental placement adoptions have some degree of information sharing, runs the spectrum from 1 X/year pictures & letters to full integrated contact. Almost all children are placed as newborns.
In domestic waiting child/foster care:
Risks around buraucracy
Risks around unknown/poor prenatal care and nutrition
Risks around poor infant nutrition and care
Risks around exposure to abuse, neglect, institutionalization, known or unknown at time of placement
Waiting child adoptions are almost always closed by law - biological parents' rights have been involuntarily terminated - though there are some cases where afamilies keep contact with bfamily members independently. Newborns are rare, as are infants under 6 months. More common are toddlers, preschoolers and older children.
As far as age...well, DH was 46 and I was 35. This was not a barrier in our domestic parental placement adoption (Though he's 2 years older than bgranddad
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Go to the library. Read all you can on every type of adoption. Then work to really balance what risks you're comfortable with vs. how you envision starting parenthood. For some, the risk of expectant parents changing their minds far outweighs benefits of parenting from birth. For others the thought of international travel is more overwhelming than parents changing their minds. It's all about what's best for you.
Good luck.
Regina