[melodylubart]

I just wanted to tell you that your dad and my mom had to have been related.

I never could understand some of the things that came out of my mom's mouth.

She actually asked my husband "how on earth could you marry Melody, she's a fat pig".

And yes, I was overweight at the time. I also had realized that my mom was a drinker.

But my dad was the light of my life and never had anything but kindness in his voice when he talked to me. I learned much from my dad. My parents died 12 years ago. I do miss my dad very very much.

Your father is tactless, plain and simple. Has nothing to do with education, ability, or ignorance. Has everything to do with "what's on his mind, is on his lips" Believe me, he will never change.

All you can do is change how you react to him.

I once (many years ago had a friend named Bernice). She was about 45 at the time and I was 22 and we would go to work on the bus together every day. I learned much from her. She once told me "I do not speak to my parents" Of course, I was shocked and said "oh my god, how can you not speak to your parents". She told me the following "when someone in your life is toxic, you do not have to have anything to do with them. There is no law that says "oh, I must speak to these people". If someone continuously hurts you, is spiteful and continues to be so even after you tell them and explain that their words hurt you to your very soul, then you should not have these people in your life, (it doesn't matter if they are your parents). She explained all this to me.

I never quite understood her rationalization of this until I grew up and had one on one with my own mom. I was not adopted or anything. My mother was my birth parent. She should have never had children.

I distanced myself from her for many years. Her bullying and sarcasm made me ill, believe me.

Only when she got older (near 80) did I go to Florida to visit her. She mellowed quite considerably and because I lost my weight, she was much kinder to me.

I have had to distance myself from my own son. He's 25 years old, and is a compulsive gambler who has Aspergers Disorder ( a very very mild form of autism).

I do what I have to do to keep my sanity. You have to survive and to do this you should surround yourself with people who are not toxic to your spirit.

Believe me, I know what I am doing. I have a very good relationship with my husband and I have friends.

This means a great deal to me.

I wish you well, believe me. Don't let anyone put you down or make you feel guilty. You did nothing wrong!!
Melody