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Originally Posted by love4
msdesi,
My daughter did walk out on us for similar reasons as you describe. Just reading your post brings very sad emotions. It also makes me very angry. In those cases I wonder why anyone would want to adopt. I didn't adopt to be a babysitter. How sad for these adoptive parents. Thankfully my daugther is slowly coming back to us but she brought a lot of pain and agony to her family. So much damage has been done.
I am very sorry for birthmom's who were forced to place their children for adoption. That just isn't right either IMO.
But how do you throw away a family who gave you everything?
I can't imagine hurting anyone that badly especially when they loved and cared for me.
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I know...so much pain. I'm trying to put into words here my thoughts...sorry if I seem to digress but I promise I'm coming to a point in favor of both sides. In my Aunt's case, she's not concerning for adoptive parents. All the time she's saying "They had the first 18 years." Maybe adoptive parents are saying "Yes but we did not adopt for babysitting." Ok. Fine if adoptive and birthparent can't see eye to eye, but I think the important thing is to put that aside and think about the grown child. I'm thinking my cousin would reach out to her adoptive parents if relieved of the fear that her birthmom would go crazy with hurt. Which she would. Especially now with the birth of a grandchild. I think it's being demonstrated that asking grown children to choose one side is not a good idea. Yes, of course I'm happy my Aunt and daughter found eachother, and also sad that their relationship came at such an expense. I'm hoping one day I too can have a relationship with my daughter if she wants one, but it's too late to changing that another couple raised her as their own just as it's no changing that I gave birth. I struggle with what are the right words I should use if she seeks me out and asks the inevitable "Why" because although I did feel coerced to place, I do not want to bring the burden of guilt. Yet I would also want her to know that it was not because I didn't want her. How to answer this? I know I would never want her to turn away from a family that loved her and cared for her, out of a sense of duty to her birthright.
Does this make any sense?
I'm sorry for so much pain in your family.