[josh1788smom]

I am a birthmom of a son turning 18 very soon. To be as educated as I can be, I have been all over the forums on this site. When I went into Adoptive Parents I wanted to have an understanding of how they feel. First I should say, my situation is not typical. I have negative feelings about my situation but not necassarily about adoption in general. I was 17 at the time my son was born and this was anything but frowned upon by both my boyfriend, his mother, and my parents. When my grandparents found out I was pregnant, they decided to talk to a infertile nephew and his wife and thought the perfect solution was for them to adopt my son. Of course everyone had their own ideas for this. My parents thought it was great - they thought they'd be spared the humiliation in our home town, but could go visit their "grandchild" when they wanted. My grandparents thought they'd go see the baby whenever they wanted, and the adoptive parents thought - we are getting a family. No one cared of my thoughts or feelings. I had my son for 5 weeks - I called and told them I was parenting - asked them to be Godparents. They told me no. They told me they wanted to be parents. Five weeks later, when I was tired and just needed a break, my dad made me call them to come get him. I was hysterical. They still came. I kept him in my room. My dad came up and said if I did not bring him down, he would take him to them - I was being selfish. I took him in hysterics and continued in hysterics. They could not wait to get out the door with my child. I had no counseling Legal or otherwise - only the father's mom callling me to tell me how I had to be strong this was what was best for him - and my mom telling me how it was God's will. Adoption papers came - I refused to sign. Two weeks later, my dad told me I had to - I was told the papers expired on my 18th birthday (3 weeks later). I signed (forced by my dad who took them and had my signature notarized) and figured after I turn 18 I will get him back. I turned 18 - got another set of papers which I did not sign. My boyfriend would not sign his because his mom said that would be acknowledging paternity and if I got him back, he would be financially responsible. So I told my parents I would not sign if he did not. That appeased them. Then I called the atty. for my dad's cousin and told him I wanted my son back. Nothing. Then I told my parents. My dad said I better get an atty. I did - we contested the adoption - boom - Lost. I did not appeal because I was so depressed and tired and done with having my family continue to hurt me. Tons of family members showed up at the adoption hearing to show their support for them.

Anyhow - my son is almost 18 and I still very much think of him as my son. I have to work through the negative I feel for them, but I very much want a relationship with him - not them. Sorry for the length, but I wanted to throw the background out there. (Plus it helps to tell the story - It's been holed up a long time)

I am surprised adoptive parents are not willing to share the child they raised with others. I have 3 beautiful with my husband and I feel blessed God has given them to me - but I also feel blessed to have nephews, nieces, Godchildren, etc. Why does it have to be a possesive thing? Why can't everyone share in the beauty of these people? If you read birthparent support - not all birthparents chose to not parent. And on the one thread I read, if the birthmom was 15 and the dad was 16 - there was clearly no choices there.

Second thought - why are there so few new posts on adoptive parents support? Are adoptive parents generally less grieving than birthparents and adoptees?