[Emster]

It may be helpful for you to look at attachment as a process, not a specific, certain destination. For example, instead of looking at her unattached behaviors, look at those that indicate she is on her way to some attachment...(I hope that makes sense...).

It is likely that you will not wake up one day and say, "wow, I think we're there. She's so attached now."

It would be easy to say "she fights us most of the time," but to look at the fact that "occasionally she accepts kindness from her mother" indicates she has some capacity to do so, thus over time this capacity most likely will increase.

Certainly, this way of looking at things is not a cure for your child's reactivity, but it allows you perhaps some hope, a way to measure the positive steps, and some ability to reduce the pressure looking for a specific timeframe for all things to change.

Hang in there!