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Hi there,
My sister is bipolar and has chosen not to have children as a result. But being bipolar does not mean you should not have children.
Jordy, your son, is very loved by you. At the age of 2, you say he is very energetic. I can tell you from experience w/my nephews, that 2 is a tough age for raising any child, and even tougher w/boys... who want to explore, touch everything, know how everything works.
You must be cycling right now to be feeling such despair. Can you get counseling? Who diagnosed you? Can you talk to the person who dx'd you?
If you can't -- talking to your primary care physician or pediatrician about private or agency adoptions (they can refer you to an agency or attorney) might be a good step.
Don't rush to place Jordy... please do not place him w/the state. I mentor kids in foster care and at-risk. It is a very chaotic life he will lead should he be placed. YOu cannot guarantee where he will be placed.
Outside of the foster care system, you will have control over placement. You can choose the family, and how open you want the adoption to be. Most agencies offer free counseling, assistance and legal assistance to women who wish to place their children for adoption. You do not need to be an expectant mom, or be placing an infant, to seek help from an agency.
I would visit a few of the agencies in your area (they can also come to your house if you don't have transportation) and see who you feel most comfortable with.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I am praying for you and your son, and I am praying your pain goes away. You know with bipolar, meds can manage things really well. YOu just have to find the right combo. If you don't like the way you feel on the meds you are on now, tell your doc.
Sending you huge hugs of support,
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