[rose32542]

Ok, we attract A LOT of attention. We have one bio son, almost three, and CC just like huby and I, and adopted triplets, five months old, AA/CC. One thing we hadn't considered before we got our trio is the gawking. We have to plan at least an extra hour whenever we go somewhere just because of all the people who stop us to look, ask questions, and comment. This sometimes gets to be a problem because many people think hey have the right to just reach in and handle the babies, even during RSV season, or take pictures on their cell phones, which we are quite uncomfortable with. Also, strangers are completely unabashed when asking very personal questions.

The first question is always, "Are they natural?" In this context they mean natural as "spontaneous," as opposed to IVF. IVF moms of triplets hate this as much as amoms do. While people notice the different ethnicities in our family, I have never been asked if they are adopted. I can see people looking back and forth, and see the wheels turning in their heads. I can tell they're thinking "did she cheat on him? Are these babies from a previous relationship?" etc. They always ask something like, "so how long did you carry them?" or "Where did you deliver them?" Or make a comment like, "You look wonderful for just giving birth to triplets!" At this point I always say, "Oh, we adopted them!"

At first I spontaneously answered their questions without thinking about taking offense or that they were highly personal. I was just so thrilled to have them, so excited to show them off. Now, I am much more sensitive to how they may feel when they're old enough to understand.

On the one hand, I DON'T want to introduce the trio as "my adopted sons." But, I don't want to grumpily turn away from questions an inadvertently give my guys the impression that there is something secretive or to be ashamed of about their adoption. But on the other hand again, these are strangers who are pretty ballsy to ask such personal questions anyway, and it's really none of their business.

Just as they ask the very insensitive "natural" question, they also look at my older son and say, "so the babies are adopted and he's yours?" The only place I ever refer to myself as an "adoptive mother" or my babies as "adopted triplets" is here. Everywhere else I am "mother" and they are "my sons."

I still love to show off my beautiful children, but I am starting to feel very protective of all of them. I am not sure how/what to answer. Many triplet moms hate the celebrity so much that they become (by their own description) "that b-word with the triplets," just brushing past everyone without stopping or commenting. But the truth is, the questions are almost always well-meaning and well-wishing, and by stopping to talk, we have actually made some friends and received help we otherwise wouldn't have.

Any suggestions/experiences?