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Char,
My gosh. I have never heard of a situation like this, and I just wanted to say that I am sorry that you are struggling with this issue. I honestly don't know what the "right" thing for you is. I guess the only "analogy" I can make is that I always worry that my DD' s birth parents some day may want to "close" contact (I don't know why I fear this, I have no reason to think this except that their families do not know that they had DD or that she was adopted, and I worry that the cat will "be out of the bag" if we continue visits because they have a daughter who will be 4 years old next time we visit....will they tell her that DD is her birth sister, etc. and "risk" having her say something to other family members, etc.). Anyway, my point is that once there is an open relationship, I think you would have to be committed to it staying open essentially for life. That may be great or it may be hard.
I know there is no "replacing" one child with another, but will you want to be in this relationship when you have another child (I assume you are still planning to adopt)?
Anyway, I hope that you come to a decision that is best for you and for this little girl. Take good care of yourself. Karen
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