When I was at my wit's end with the lying/deception/etc of teenage FD, I thought I couldn't talk to SW because that would show I was a "bad" FM and "tlhey" would take her away. But it was so bad that I finally did talk to SW, who was very good, and she did help.
In CA, there's a program called Wrap Around which is to help matches at risk. My FD's bio-mom had taken her to get her belly button pierced (visits are supposed to be monitored) and then FD and bio-mom were lying about the whole thing until I thought I was going crazy.
SW helped us with wraparound. FD has an "advocate" which meets with her once a week, I have a parent advocate with whom I meet once a week, and then we all meet at my house with a therapist. It is really helping. Wraparound is paid for by DCFS.
FD still has individual therapy, as do I now. I pay out of pocket for both therapists because DCFS started FD with her therapist, who doesn't accept Medi-Cal, but I decided to keep paying because they had a relationship and attachment was an issue. Our therapists communicate together too.
FD is on meds (has been for years) and sees child psychiatrist for meds. I went on anti-depressants prescribed through my doctor about four months ago and it has helped with depression.
Eight months ago when I was having such a hard time with 14 yo FD (now 15), I told her to pack her stuff because I couldn't do it anymore. I asked her where she wanted to live. (I'm not recommending this, but I was so sick of the lies, disrespect, dishonesty and lack of feelings).
I do want to offer some glimmers of hope, because we're actually do really well right now. We are still in individual therapy and family therapy, and we have "wrap around services" where she has an advocate she hangs out with, I have a parent advocate, and we meet with a social worker every two weeks. However, she's been calling me her mom to a few people and she's even pretty bonded to me. (I was her volunteer Big Sister since she was 7, so you'd think that this would have already happened but sometimes, things are slooow). She got a 3.1 gpa last term with learning disabilities, participated in a college drama workshop over the summer, and is in a musical theater workshop that does singing/dancing. I find very few lies lately and am actually happy.
To be honest, I've also gone on anti-depressant medication because I was have some serious depression due to her episodes, but, get this, we have even had fun doing school shopping. She even took my advice on a few tops/pants. Before when we went shopping, it usually ended up in a crying/screaming match and now we're actually having fun. We even had a good time on our summer cruise.
Of course, it would probably seem obvious that you should have fun shopping when someone is spending money on you, and I teach so I know what teens like, but for some reason, we usually ended up in tears on vacation or doing fun stuff, even like Disneyland.
If you had told me this 8 months ago, I wouldn't have believed you because I was so sick of her antics, the lies, deception, etc., which really were for no good reason. I guess it's just part of the attachment disorder wherein they test, lie, cheat, steal, etc. for reasons that most adults don't understand.
I don't want to jinx this because I know that adolescence is a roller coaster, but I want you to know that there will be a time when you will have fun and peace, and it could be very soon.
Just make sure you're in therapy and your family is, too. Use support groups. I thought I could handle anything. I was one of those people who helped everyone, always did everything, so I thought a teenager would be a snap. WRONG. I think that my lesson in this is asking for help. I think that therapy is great for everyone. I let my mom help me with my FD - she takes her home from school and drives her around sometimes. It was really hard for me to ask SW for help, because I thought that made me look like a bad foster parent because I couldn't "handle" one teenager (I teach over 200 teens a day). But I finally did ask for help, and I got the wrap-around program. So, I think that not doing it by myself has been the life lesson I've had to learn.