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Our daughter was four, turning 5 a few months later, when she came to live with us two years ago. It was a foster to adopt placement through CAS. We met her doing foster relief.
In hindsight, we had a couple of rough months around testing and her mourning the loss of her foster family. At the time we were new parents and didn't quite understand how difficult it was! Leaving her foster family was really hard on her...she had been with them for 3 years. She tested us in every way possible.
I was very, very glad to have the support of our workers behind us. They understood her and her background, so if I called with an issue or gave an update at a plan of care they knew if it was unusual behaviour for her or standard.
My tips, if you were to go ahead:
-go into it with your eyes open around the adjustment period. She may not call you Mommy for months (Shawntay came in Sept. and didn't call us Mommy and Daddy until January, and then it wasn't consistent), she may lash out and direct all her anger at you, or the reaction could be delayed. Then again, it could be fine!
-get as much information on her background, including biological family, ASAP before making a decision. Because she isn't in the system this may be harder to get...but could also be easier!
-you've probably already done this, but my number one tip for people considering an older child adoption is to consider behaviours/special needs outside the context of specific placements. We had a list we went through and researched to know what we could handle and what we couldn't. It meant when looking at different options we (specifically me!) weren't clouded by the desire to become parents but had some knowledge behind us to make less of an emotional decision. I'm awful for that!
Would I do it again? In a heartbeat! My daughter was considered hard to place and a challenge, but we've never regretted our decision. Her big personality may come with some challenges, but also with so many joys!
Best of luck,
Allana
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