[mom2GRLC]

All wonderful posts. Your so right when it does come to these foster/adopt kids we do hold ourselves at a much higher level. Out of fear. fear of everything. Fear that if we acknowledge a problem the kids willl be taken away or someone will feel we aren't capable of parenting them or say it's not a good match. Fear that these kids may have more needs then we can recopgnize or handle and what ways to even even handle them that will really help the children. Fears that our parenting decisions won't be accepted by others. Fears that the children mnay not accept us. Like you said you can make all kinds of mistakes parenting a bio-child and you know the child will still love you....but what if you mess up with an foster/adoptive child ...will they reject you, will they make allegations on you, will they not accept you as their parents.

There was one child I had that was 14 months old and he did the same thing he used to hit his head on EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. He used to throw the worst fits and in doing so would pound his head on the ground. He did it everywhere we went, the Dr.s , church, outside our house etc. So many people saw it happen so it's not like someone could realy point the finger at me...but after a month i just couldn't handle it anymore. I asked that he be removed from my home I just couldn't take that chance that he could really hurt himself and then they would turn to us to find us at fault when his own doctor told me to just ignore him and he'll stop on his own(sorry I can't ignore a child pounding there head on cement floor or hard grounds...i just couldn't do that). It just wasn't going to happen. So instead I let him go and soon after he was placed with a relative for adoption and he was much better but I had a houseful of young kids and he went to a home where he was an only child so I'm sure that made a big difference....and the poor baby had already been moved 5 times by the time I got him....infact they gave him to me because they knew I was so good with little kids especially difficult children....but he was too much...he constantly had bruses and bumps all over his head i just couldn't deal with that. As a foster parent I'm sure you know what it feels like ....it's like every bump or bruise the child gets you know false allegations can be filed and turn your world upside down...I wasn't willing to put my family at risk because of him.

Some kids you really have to find the strength to keep and do allyou can to help them and others you just have to realize your limits and let them go to try and have a better shot at the next home. I know that is not a common belief or goal...I agree kids should not have to be moved around a bunch but if you KNOW you just can't be the family they need...my belief is it's better for you to let them go and have a chance that the next home they go to will be what they need.