You know what else helps? Just knowing there are other people out there dealing with the same things and the same guilts and problems!!! I'm so glad you posted this thread, K!!!
I guess it's true... You can mess up with your own kids, but you know they'll be okay and that they'll still love you, and that you'll do better next time. With foster kids, you feel like if you mess up, you'll mess them up forever. Or if you make a mistake, the kids will get taken away from you or something!
I have a lot of guilt because my foster son has a lot of problems, and one of his problems is that he just goes head-first into things and doesn't think anything about consequences. (I think it might be a bit of sensory integration problems). Anyway, the guy will climb up on the end tables all the time, or on the back of the couch, and he falls off. He will BOUNCE on the couch (only 13 months, mind you!) until he falls off on his head. He's constantly banging his head against the wall on purpose. He is always tripping and hitting his head on the coffee table, the floor, ANYTHING that is near him. His head has bruises ALL OVER IT!!!! So my fear is always that if I say I get frustrated with him, that someone will think I'm getting frustrated and losing control and that it is ME who is making those marks on him.
And Lord knows what my neighbors think!!!! Since we became foster parents, I've started YELLING. Not all the time, mind you, but when I really get frustrated, I will just yell, "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!" And sometimes I yell, "I just can't TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Or, "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" when all the kids are acting up at once. It's not like I'm yelling at the kids, or anything, but from the outside of my house, who KNOWS what it sounds like!!!! I was never a yeller before... I guess it's just more proof that foster care is frustrating!!!
Yes... I think I would benefit from talking to someone to learn "coping techniques" or something!
