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Just to add, I went to the Dr. today and he said I wasn't depressed, that I am just overloaded and am internalizing everything that is going wrong, taking it all on myself when I don't need to be the "bearer of every burden".
He suggested that I start running first thing in the AM, I used to be a runner and he thinks this will help start off my day better and give me alone time to think and work out things instead of trying to do that during the day when I have no time, or trying to do it before bed when I should be sleeping. He just thinks that I am trying too hard, that I need to get back to being me too, he doesn't suggest reading since that it trying to redirect my mind and he thinks that I need to just do the hard work myself and think, but push myself physically at the same time. He thinks that this will help me be calmer in general and better able to rationalize when things get hard.
He actually laughed at me when I told him I was concerned about being angry and about depression, not that he was making light of either situation, but he said that I am now at where "regular" people are (I have been with this dr. for over 10 years so he knows me very well). He doesn't see any signs of depression in my or in my responses, he just sees someone who cares about all of her children and her family and wants to fix everything whether or not it is logically possible. (we both laughed at the logically possible part because as strange as the phrase sounds it fit the bill perfectly)
He also suggested my husband needs to do something for himself daily too... he even said that my husband play more video games for an hour when he feels stressed or do something that he enjoys.
I know that everyone tell you to take care of yourself first, but when you have lots of little ones who has the time... now I realize how important that advice was.
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