[mom2GRLC]

RiverGirl-

Exactly!!! Yet when a biological parent decides that well then "it must be in the best interest of the child." But as an adoptive parent making a decision like that then I'm not "considering the needs of my child". Or I don't have enough compassion for the birthmom or something is "supposedly" wrong with me. Or well someday "you'll have to explain to the child why you couldn't handle dealing with the birthparents grief, anger, sadness etc...and all the fault would be on the adoptive parent rather than the birthparent who acted inappropriately.

I'm not really judging my daughters birthmom and I'm not mad at her or anything. I mean I do think she is making the right choice for her daughter. It's the same choice I made concerning him. I DO NOT want him in my childs life.

I guess my "irritation" just has to do with how easy it is for a biological parent to make that decision and to not be judged because of it....yet as an adoptive parent everything is called into question, even our own integrity and ethics if we have to make a choice like that.

Why the double standard?

Again, I am very GREATFUL I did stick it out this long and were finally seeing the fruit of our labours and developing a good relationship, but that has only happened once I had had ENOUGH and decided to cut off all direct contact and only mail her once a year. She finally was forced to either hang onto those negative feelings and loose contact with her daughter or let it go and work for a more healthier relationship...I'm glad she did choose to keep working and I'm glad I have too.

I just wish I didn't have to feel so judged in the process. I wish I could have recieved the same kind of support and validation as bio-parents making those choices for their children.