|
Mom2- I definitely see your point. I have wondered where bfathers are in open adoptions. It seems that here I've only heard stories of relationships with bmothers. The bfather of my triplets has seen them once. He didn't want to agree to the adoption, but he knew he couldn't care for the babies, and didn't contest it. I promised to send him pics on their birthday and give them all the information they need to get in contact with him when they are older and if they want to. He seems like a decent man with a lot of demons. (Don't we all have them, though) He has three children who live with their respective mothers. He rarely sees or talks to them. I saw that he was proud of his part of bringing my boys into the world. He gave me a pic of his sons for them, and took many pics of them. I know he would like to be involved in their lives, and dh and I are trying to figure out just how much and how/when to do it.
I have known several people who have adopted, none of whom have had open adoptions. I think that's because my church has an adoption program and they encourage nothing more than letters and pics. This was always the way I imagined my adoption to be, but given that my sister is the bmother, that isn't feasible (nor is cutting her out of our lives what I want). Given that we have, by default, an "open" adoption with her, it doesn't make sense to be "closed" to the bfather, who has an interest in maintaining contact. Of course, I do not know if that is wise or possible, as the bfather was only clean for about two months when the babies were born, and I have no idea if he still is.
|