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From my experience, if you are a bmother and have made the decision to relinquish your child, learn to live with that decision and BELIEVE as you did when you made that decision that it was the RIGHT one for you and/or the child. One you accept completely that it was the RIGHT decision, you can allow the family to parent and care for the child, while you are able to BACK OFF and let it happen.
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I'm glad you said from your experience because that's not how it magically happens for others. I've never had to "back off." J&D have always been her parents. I've dealt with my issues separate from our relationship. I don't have to "completely accept" anything was right OR wrong. I just have to let them be parents to the Munchkin.
That said, you can't "mandate" someone into counseling. A person has to first recognize a need for help and then voluntarily seek it out, either with help from others or completely on their own. Anyone who has ever tried to "help" someone who didn't want or didn't believe that they needed any kind of help is aware of what pushing someone can do.