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I have often thought of the benefits of using an agency. My trio came to us theough my sister. She knew as soon as she found out she was carrying triplets that she could not care for them. She knew that we were the ones she wanted to (or as she says "who were meant to") have these boys. She ahd nowhere to stay, no one to care for her, so she came and lived with us. In some ways it ws beautiful; I got to go to every single prenatal appt; I got to be there in the room when they were born; I got to care for and serve my children's bmom in a tangible and real way.
In other ways it was far less than ideal. She is my baby sister; We would have let her stay and taken care of her even if she decided t okeep the babies or place them with someone else. In normal circumstances, if we weren't the afamily, I would have been all about helping my sister through this difficult time. On the other hand, if I she hadn't bee npregnant and we had been adopting, she would have focused on celebrating with us and helping us through the hard times of the adoption journey. Because we were so close together though, so intertwined, it was impossible for either of us to really work through the experience. We were both on eggshells much of the time, and for both of us, it was one of the hardest times of our lives.
Things are still somewhat awkward. She has seen the babies. Whenever we get together for a family occasion, she holds them abd plays with them, but she is still very tender. She has three other children who live with her ex husband, so she has expressed to me that she sometimes feels destined to give birth to babies she can't be with. Unfortunately, there is so much history between us as sisters that it is really hard, as I ahve said in other threads, to separate "birthmom" from "sister."
I'm not saying that it is best to not ahve an open adoption, I'm just saying that if we had had some intermediary it would have been easier for everyone. Of course, as has been said many times, there are many different ways adoption happens. I wouldn't trade my babies for anything, and would willingly go through far more to have them here. I also hope that my sister can get the help from somewhere that she can't get from me.
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