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As an adoptive mom and the wife of an adult adoptee, I am very glad to see this thread. I have seen a lot of "anti-adoption" stuff lately, and it really has upset me. Not because I don't believe that there are instances of coercion, etc., instances of adopted children feeling a profoud loss, etc., but because of the generalizations that, as a whole, adoption is a "bad" thing. I only need to look at my own family and my husband's family to know that it has been a wonderful thing for us.
At the same time, I also feel that the "movement" if you will marginalizes women (and men) who make an intelligent, thoughtful, albeit extremely difficult, choice to place their children for adoption. I am cognizant of their loss all the time. But I have been told again and again by my DD's birth parents that, as hard as it has been, they know they made the best decision. (Maybe some day they won't feel that way, I hope not, but that's their right, obviously).
Let's face it -- it would be a wonderful world if all pregnant women wanted to and could raise their children and adoption wasn't necessary. Or if there were no such thing as infertility on the other side. But there are always going to be unwanted pregnancies and there are always going to be infertile couples and adoption (ideally) bridges that gap.
That said, I do still think there are many issues with how the adoption "industry" is run. I had a lot of problems with my agency - - not so much re: how they treated DH and me (crummy), but also how little counseling and support they gave to my DD's wonderful birth family. (And this was a "well-established" agency, etc.). I am not sure what can be done to make the process better for everyone (and most importantly the best it can be for the children), but I'm glad there are people talking about these issues.
Thanks! K
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