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Partly X-posted:
Regarding generalization in adoption... Are there ever generalizations that are fair? I don't know. I really don't. People can quote me statistics and research until the end of time. People can recommend I read this book or that book. But I take it all with a grain of salt. Because depending on one's particular beliefs, one can always find statistics, books, and research to support that belief. Doesn't matter what side you are on.
I think it is amazing how we try to guess or think we know how our children are going to think, feel and act about their adoption, about their birth parents or about their adoptive parents. The simple fact is that WE DON'T KNOW. And I think that's what is so scary. As our child grows and matures, his/her decisions, feelings, and choices are going to be as unique as he/she is. Our child's decisions, feelings, and choices are going to be impacted by many factors outside of our control, no matter how many books we read or statistics we share or what PC language we use.
All we can do, and are doing, is make the choices and decisions we feel are best. And NO ONE has the right to judge us for those decisions. We can have opinions because of our beliefs and experiences, and that's great. But no one should try to force or coerce someone else to do or see things "their way". Unless we are a part of that specific family, it's not our experience. Just because we think a child *might* react or question one way, doesn't mean that it's a given fact.
There is no "one, right way". Like someone else said, there is no "perfect" solution. There is no "perfect" process. Should adoption be reformed? Is adoption a healthy option? The answers to those questions will be as personal and unique as the experience the answers are based on.
Every single adoption situation is unique. Just like every parent and child is unique. There is no "one size fits most" here. In adoption or any other type of relationship.
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