[stevenstwin]

I'm thinking of my own situation, of course - but it might make an interesting discussion in more general terms as well. TPR has gone through on my 15 year old foster son (here in Alberta, it is called a "permanent guardianship order" - with guardianship being granted to Children's Services). We are keeping him permanently, but have to decide under what program we are doing that. Here is the background to consider: his bio mom is dead, and his bio dad is completely out of the picture. He has been raised since the age of six by his maternal uncle, and has a very strong bond with him. (this is the man whose rights were terminated on Friday – he had Private Guardianship, never adopted). He also has other bio relatives who are important to him - aunt, cousins, grandparents - but none who have ever been suitable to parent him. He will be continuing to have some degree of contact with all of them, and I suspect will always call his uncle “dad”. We’ve had him as a foster child since January, under the “kinship care” umbrella, since I knew him previously as a student. Now- Children’s Services is pushing for us to assume Private Guardianship. The philosophy is to move for as much permanency as possible – and it would also save them money (currently we get about $800 a month, and they pay for his school fees ($350 this semester), counseling, and transportation to visit siblings 600 miles away. With our gross income being over $60,000 a year, we would get nothing –if we were under, we’d still get all that – so they’ll save a bundle on us). Private Guardianship would basically give us the same rights as a parent and get him out of the foster system forever, but our LEGAL responsibility to him ends when he turns 18. HOWEVER, his counselor does NOT feel this is a good idea – she thinks with his strong family connections and divided loyalty issues, he’d likely sabotage Private Guardianship. She is recommending for long term foster care instead. My GUT feeling is that he’ll never really feel like he belongs to us if we do that, and that he NEEDS a more permanent relationship. Interesting because I know HIM better than the counselor does, but she’s certainly had more experience in general. As for adoption – no one has even MENTIONED it, so it isn’t on the table. Because of his age and strong family connections, I guess he is considered “unadoptable”. Everyone assumes he’d never go for that, but of course no one is asking him (and on a financial note – our estate is small – my girls are probably only going to share in the proceeds of our house, not much else. My foster son already has a $100,000 trust fund of his own). And lastly – his social worker keeps raising the idea of independent living – getting him into some sort of assisted living program when he turns 16. At his age, that sounds kind of appealing (I think he imagines it as complete freedom) – but I can NOT see it working for him. It has an extremely high failure rate anyway, and he’s just not ready for it (he can't get himself showered (literally would NEVER bathe if I didn't tell him to) or to school on time as it is - and wasn't able to hold onto the part time job he got. He quit it because the boss was "rude" to him - telling him what to do! Not exactly ready for life on his own!). So – any thoughts or ideas? I’ve seen it said a few times on this board that “I’ve never heard of a child that doesn’t want to be adopted” and “adoption is always best” – but here is just that kind of complex situation!