|
I think that one of the difficulties I encounter on this board is that I do hear those sweeping generalizations that adoption is not healthy or that all adoptive children search for their birthparents and without them in their lives they are somehow damaged and that has not been the case in my situation. I think, at first, I found it to be so frustrating to hear others talking down about adoption when that is how I created my family, that I wanted to respond with those sweeping generalizations myself. I realize how silly that is. No one can speak for anyone else. No two situations are alike.
My father and cousin were both adopted and have had no interest whatsoever in searching for their birthfamily. Neither feel any connection, and so of course that influenced my own feelings. However, I realize they are individuals with their own personal history. I can't base my beliefs on adoption on two individuals. My son may feel very strong connections to his birthmother and so I'll always work to maintain that relationship so the option is there for him. Or, he may not? Only time will tell.
I realize that some people will want to search, some won't. Some will feel a connection to their birthparents, some won't. Some birthmothers are mistreated, some are not. Some adoptive couples are scammed, others are not. All we can do is make the best decisions for us and for our own familes. Those decisions are going to be based on personal experience. But we can't mistake personal belief or experience as universal truth.
If we all keep that it mind, I think we'll fight less and find much more common ground around here.
Peace,
K
|