You have only to experience an orphanage situation (like we have) to know that even the greatest, cleanest, most well-run orphanage, is a very challenging, stressful and difficult situation for a child to grow up in.
You have only to experience being a foster parent, or mentor kids in foster care, to know that it is not in the best interest of any child to be moved from home to home, on the whim of the "system".
You have only to meet a woman whose life was filled with drama, chaos, and turmoil, who turned her whole life around, stopped abusing substances, went back to college, and got her degree (a JD, no less!) after she placed her child with a loving, nontraditional couple (a woman we have met, and were very glad we did). Her child's birth galvanized her to take charge of her life.
You have only to meet the many families whose lives have been touched by children they have adopted. Whose children thrive. Whose aparents respect the woman who gave birth to their child. Whose firstmom has resolved that the choice she made for her child was the right choice at the time she made it. And is, in her heart, certain that her child is at peace and will come to her when the child is able and ready.
That's all I'm sayin'.
I've got to respond to some of these messages where people are saying how awful adoption is for the firstmoms and the adoptees. I know adoption is not perfect. We are all human and humans are not perfect in any way, so why should adoption be a perfect solution since it involves human contact.
However, we have, as a whole, made great strides in improving the means by which children are adopted. By how expectant mothers, whether they place or not, are treated. And children have more options of being placed in a loving home, vs. being shuttled from house to house without thought or care as in the FC system, or, placed in orphanages. The ones I have witnessed are simply draconian. Old buildings, falling apart. Kids in decent clothes, but running in packs. Educated but not in the ways of life and family support. Given nice things, which are taken away and just put out for "show" when visitors come. I could go on and on.
Should we go back to those days when kids were warehoused in orphanages here in the States? Should we go back to the days when every adoption was so closed that even when both aparents and first parents tried to connect, it was nearly impossible? When children had no access to their information. Now with open adoption, and a myriad of resources (including this website), a child can search and hope to find.
I think not. Screening of aparents is stricter and more difficult than ever. Expecting women can get a huge amount of support prior to giving birth and after placement, should she choose. They aren't forced any longer to "go away to Aunt Renee's", or, stuck in a women's home (unless they choose) so no one knows they were ever pregnant, because of the stigma and shame that carried.
I'm just sayin'.
Let's put the positives into perspective here.
As for the foster care system, yes, I know there is reform but not across the boards. So it is not the finest way to meet the child's best needs, long-term.
Here's hoping things improve across the boards in every avenue adoption offers. We should be very grateful, for the child's sake, and for pregnant women everywhere's sake, that things have evolved to better circumstances. I know younger women who are reading this won't possibly know what I am saying about women being hidden away when they were expecting... because it was so long ago.
I vividly remember one of my classmates getting pregnant, being sent away for the summer, and when school year started, she had a "new sister". Her mom took over the care of her baby and it was a big deal. Now, that situation would rarely happen, where it would be a big family secret.