[sak9645]

Single men have a lot more difficulty adopting than single women do, regardless of whether they wish to parent boys or girls. It is unfortunate, but true. So be prepared to do a lot of homework and to jump through a lot of hoops that we single Moms just don't encounter.

Once it is determined, however, that you can offer a safe and nurturing home for a child, and that you aren't a pedophile, you should be able to adopt a child of either gender. The only thing you should know is that Americans prefer to adopt girls and that, for this reason, there are far more boys available for adoption than girls, especially internationally. Girls simply get "snapped up" faster.

Many state governments will work with single men who want to adopt from the foster care system. Adoption from foster care is about the least costly way to go, but the likelihood of getting a healthy infant or toddler is low. This option works best if you want an older child or one with special needs.

Domestic private adoption is favored by some men, who find that they don't like the way they are treated by some agencies. In private adoption, you find a situation on your own, then use a social worker for the homestudy and a lawyer for advice as to what is legal and for the finalization. A surprising number of men, including gay men, have found birthmothers on their own, through networking. Not all birthmothers insist on a "typical" two parent family. But private adoption has its risks, including the risks of scams and fall-throughs, and it is not for everyone.

Domestic agency adoption is not an easy option for men, especially if they want a newborn. The main reason is that there are far more families wanting babies than there are babies available through the agencies. As a result, some agencies try to avoid having long wait times by imposing restrictions on who can apply. The fees also tend to be high. But you may be able to find an agency that will work with you.

International adoption is an option chosen by some men. Not all foreign countries will work with single men, but some will. A number of agencies working with these countries will accept men. The fees for international adoption vary by country, in part because of travel requirements.

I hope that you will pursue your dream of becoming a parent. While it is unfortunate that you will have to appear "more qualified" than the average person who wishes to adopt, and will have to undergo more than the usual amount of scrutiny, I hope that you will tolerate the inconvenience.

Sharon