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Hello Michelle,
thank you so much for wanting to share some of your thoughts and suggestion with me, that is so kind of you...andno you have said nothing that has hurt me.....the pain well......I am not really sure waht can ease that...but knowing people care.....well that goes along way to helping thankyou.
I understand what you say about visiting the grave. She was actually cremated. I have been to the place, it is 6 hourse frive from me, so i hve to plan it......and it ws nice to be there.......but to be honest I dont "feel" anything.....
I have been looking a t a book that talks about how our loved ones ares till with us after death and there are ways to talk or communicate with thme and they us through our imaginations......so i thought i might try that. The difficulty is i dont know where in my imagianation i would see her, cos i only met her once in her space...and she never came into mine......but I must try. I think that is to do with this unresolved grief stuff that is talked about.....so I must find a way of integrating the bits I have...its not good thinking about thew aht ifs ,is it, it just keeps one stuck going round the same mountain.
I am sure my bmother did care about me when i was born.....even though she could not keep me. I am not sure waht the years did to her in that area. For she managed to bury me so deep to forget, to live "as if". I dont how she did that. Can a bmotehr bury soemthing so deep that it almost lost to you and its like as if it never happeend.....
shef
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