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As an amom, I appreciate that you contacted your bdaughter's amom, rather than try to contact her directly, while she's a teenager. My son's bmom found him on the internet and wrote to him directly, clearly trying to skip around us, and announcing herself and her children as mom and siblings. I know she was excited to find him and wanted to jump at the chance to contact but, since he's a minor, it felt a little sneaky and backhanded as well as a little reckless with regard to ambushing him out of the blue with such emotionally charged information. We did our best to stay neutral and leave it to him to respond or not, but honestly it freaked him out a little and he said it felt a little like being stalked. Now it feels adversarial with the bmom and I'm in the awful position of trying to protect my son emotionally (he's always had the invitation/opportunity to contact but has always declined), while at the same time maintain a clear conscience about not discouraging or dissuading him from contacting her and then also fielding her anger at my stepping in and expressing our feelings that what she did wasn't fair to our son, to put him in that situation while he's still growing up.
So, browneyes, what you did in contacting the aparents went a long way I'm sure in letting them know that you want contact, but still respect their judgment with regard to her welfare while she's a minor and have no intention of trying to undercut them or force yourself on their daughter before she's finished growing. I'm sure that all the lovely contact, information and photos from them was their way of thanking you for that consideration.
Any parent's first instinct is to guard and protect their child and the BEST thing a bparent can do to preserve the opportunity for a positive relationship in the future is not to trigger that by going directly at the child while they are a minor.
Browneyes was wise enough to recognize that and will hopefully have a positive relationship in the future. I believe the daughter will appreciate the consideration as well and probably be less nervous or uncertain about meeting when the time comes. Bravo browneyes and God bless you, your bdaughter and the aparents.
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