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Originally Posted by bromanchik
I actually encourage expecting parents to not have the adopting parents involved in the hospital experience or even the pregnancy. I think it engenders feelings of obligation in expectant parents, and as the decision to place is really made after the baby is born, the presence of the adopting parents can really muddy the waters. While I understand the desire of adopting parents to want to be present for the birth of the baby, and to even have a lot of hospital time, birth and it's aftermath is an intensely private and intimate experience. It is also a time for mother and baby to get to know each other. They may ultimately be seperated, but at the time of birth they are still one and that needs to be respected, not only for the new mom's sake, but for the baby's as well. If seperation via an adoption placement is going to happen, than that transition needs to be as gentle as it can be for both parties, but especially for the baby.
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In my personal experience I would agree completely with this. I had the adoptive parents at the hospital with me (and we met them 6 weeks before our baby was born). I wish they weren't there, not that they did anything wrong, but I really felt a sense of obligation towards them. At one point in time, after my son was born, I had thought very heavily of changing my mind but didn't because I didn't want to hurt the adoptive parents as they had become my friends. If I were able to go back, I would not meet them until after he was born and they wouldn't be at the hospital with me.