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I Did it! Called LDSSF/feelings
Feel like I am talking to myself..maybe I am. I enjoy journaling. Well I have to write and say I did it! I called and talked with LDSFS today and am now we are waiting for the application to come. Was happy to find out that nothing I was worried about will keep us from going through LDSFS! Silly me.
I can also get the application started before our 18 month old goes home which makes me feel better because I've know we were supposed to adopt for the past 4 years and I really feel like it is time to find him or her.
I had a mini-breakdown today at the thought of our little foster guy leaving. Overnight visits start this week. I thought I was prepared but I'm not. This is harder then I could have ever anticipated. Foster care was something we felt inspired to do feeling that it most likely would not lead to adoption. Now I know why were felt lead to foster care, it was to be part of our foster baby and his mothers life. I hope to remain in his life forever. His mom is dong well and I support the reunification BUT it feels a little like my heart is being ripped out. I feel like he is her "son" But I have loved him like my own son. This feels like a death. I don't know how else to explain it. I would never compare myself to a birth mother in this respect but I think I may be able to feel a taste of what they most go through. I can't imagine the kind of strength and faith that takes.
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