you might want to join the yahoo group adoptionscams there is LOTS of good info on there! Plus often times people will share the names and stories of women who are out there scamming approaching paps.
You really need to do whatever you can to educate yourself.
NO you do not EVER give a woman money or gifts directly PERIOD. Some people are ok with paying for women's expenses and other's are not....but it should ALWAYS be done through the attorney or agency.
Make sure you are using an ADOPTION attny. I know that any attny can do adoptions but it's really important to work with attnys that specialize in adoption for many many reasons. Also....depending on the way you are going about things - you may not want to hire a specific attny up front until after you have found a potential match.
I'm assuming you already have your homestudy completed and all that. I don't know if you are interested or not...there are some places online to post your profile. We had great success with Parent Profiles. I know that they have some wacky rules though so it's not somthing for everyone. There are other web sites out there too.
The bottom line is that if someone approaches you then you will need to get all their information and have it verified. These are things the attny should help you with. But yes it's also true that there are pregnant women who are out there trying to scam families too and have no intention of an adoption plan whatsoever. There are also women out there who will lie and say they are pregnant and they are not. There are plenty of "emotional scammers" out there as well - those who will never ask or receive any money but still can take people on quite a ride.
But also remember...women DO have the right to choose AFTER the baby is born. So they may very well fully intend to place the child for adoption and then choose not to after the birth.
It's up to you as to how you set up the parameters for any "match" you would agree to.
Also ...check your state laws (as well as the laws in the woman's state if she's in a different state) Different states have different laws as far as what is acceptable in expenses and what is not...as well as many other things.
BTW - you will get corrected on this very quickly on adoption sites so I thought I might let you know...a woman who is pregnant and making an adoption plan is NOT a birthmom. Birthmoms are women who have signed relinquishments and placed their babies
I know that often times attnys and agencys will refer to pregnant women as birthmoms...some find this highly offensive though.