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A mixture of what you describe in your post will work best ... you have to provide some trust to have it earned but not too much to let them fall on their face immediately ... knowing they will at some point down the road. Upon arrival it is best to lay general rules out up front and the consequence if they are not followed - i.e., you don't eat dinner, you don't get desert or anything else to eat until breakfast. Don't have any expectations but do give the child a way to earn them and they will and when they fail, never ever criticize - discuss what could of and should of been done and move on ... self esteem in most of these kids falls below even our most vivid imagination and building it with baby steps is so important and rewarding at the same time!