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I chose both Love at First Site and Other. As you all know, I had two trip 1 visits. With Olya, whom we lost, it was immediately love at first site. We walked in the room and she heard voices and turned her head, gazed into my eyes, and didn't stop looking. They put her in my arms and she reached up and touched my cheek. She was 8 months old, but developmentally more of a 4 month old.
For our current little hopeful, there was so much fear involved. We had released a child the day before which was very painful. We had, of course, the sharp pain of memory of meeting Olya for the first time and then later losing her.
But there was magic - that something 'other' - that I can't share now but will once she is home. I was in awe. I loved her, but with caution.
Even now, I am afraid to care too much. I look at the video with fear of losing her and also noting some attachment flags - does she move away from me too much, was she arching her back there, does she prefer DH over me...? Love, fear, awe, 'other'....
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