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I too am sory that you are going through this. I can't excuse her behavior. That being said I never considered that an adopted child would feel bad on his or her birthday until reading about it on the adoptee forum. It makes sence though.
I only knew that it was always the hardest day of the year for me, a birthmother. Perhaps that explains her drinking- but why now when the two of you could be together? Even though my daughter has pulled away from me her birthdays are easier now. I can send a card and picture her in my mind dressed up & going out to eat with her husband. I also know what her mom cooked specially for her birthday when she was a kid.
If you are not completely fed up maybe you could have a therapy session together with your mom and discuss it. That's the only helpful thing I can think of.
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