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Ideas
The lack of eye contact is a fear-based reaction. Try to be calm, pitch your voice calmly, sit quietly, try to not force it. The more you try to force eye contact the more fearful the child is, and the worse the results.
A book I have read and I recommend strongly is "Beyond Consequences..." [long title] by Bryan Post and Heather Forbes. It's all about a new approach to attachment problems. My daughter is much better since I've started using their strategies.
I also recommend you read Dr. Ronald Federici's book "Help for the Hopeless Child" - he's a wonderful Neuropsychologist, and himself has 7 older Russian and Romanian children. I am flying to Washington to have him evaluate my daughter in a few weeks, because he worked miracles for a friend of mine whose daughter was out of control.
PM me if you'd like more ideas. I know it's very frustrating. Hang in there.
Dee
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