[Moongrl22]

I totally love what you just said about a bmother. They are Tummy mummy's, WOW I love that. I love it a lot. I am also a Bmother and I went through an open adoption process when I was 18 yrs old. The adoptive parents sent me photo's of my baby daughter off and on for the first 5 yrs. I tried to write back but it was totally difficult, painful and hard. I loved getting the picture's of her and I knew she was HAPPY and Healthy. Everything in her life was perfect. I would feel depressed and sad she wasn't with me. I missed her so much. I had to just keep myself busy with lifes experience's, college, friends, work etc,..... I wanted to be strong enough and write more often but I didn't. I just wanted her adoptive family to have their privacy to raise her, guide her without me in the picture. This is my own personal experience. I looked at open adoption from a different point of view, I got to choose her parents, I knew where she was going once she left the hospital. I honored her adoptive parents. I was single and pregnant at 18 yrs old I just wanted to give my child "THE LIFE SHE DESERVED. A BLESSED, LOVING ENVIRONMENT WITH A MOTHER AND FATHER. " It wasn't about me. It was about my baby's life. How could I make her life better? I just wanted the BEST for her. This was in 1988. If I knew now it was okay to stay involved through letters on a yearly bases, I would have loved that and I would have done that. I basically thought about the adoptive parents feelings before my own wants and needs. It's not easy giving up a child. It's stays with you every day. I'm 36 and a wife and the mother of three amazing children. I've never forgotten about my first baby, she has a special place in my heart. I don't know if she will ever want to make contact with me. I want to say I don't think about it but I do. I leave it in God's hands whatever happens, I'm going to be okay. Just to know she has had a blessed life with wonderful loving parents, what more could I ask for? GOd bless.

Originally Posted by gottahavehope

I don't feel that way either, but again we are in a domestic open adoption and have had our son since birth. I know that I am my son's Mommy but she is his first mother or what we call Tummy Mummy. I have no doubt that he will grow up to love me just like any child loves their mother. We make all the decisions on his care. We don't have to consult her. We don't call her up to ask if something is okay regarding how we are raising him. Now, that doesn't mean that I don't share things with her. I do. I try and share anything that makes her comfortable. That is hard right now because she is hurting but I look forward to a lifetime of sharing with her.

We all know, however, that we are not sharing parental rights. She wants him to love us as Mommy and Daddy. She wants us to create a family. I guess the best way to explain it is that we are just sharing the love we feel for him. I don't think that should cause any confusion for him. Does that make sense?The way I see it is that he is so lucky because he will also have this other incredible woman in his life who he can love as well.

I don't know if I articulated myself well because I'm new to this but I believe open adoption can really work.

Peace,
K