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If anyone knows where that other post is I'd love to find it, I haven't had any luck so far.
For those of you who say to keep the names the same, what do I do about my older foster son then? Do I keep his legal name the same that it is now, or do I change it to the name that his family changed it to (in use only)?
I would ask him, but he barely speaks and doesn't call himself by a name. He has only ever once said his name, and when he did it was a combination of both fn's that he has. He said " I (legal name) (used name)". That is why I want to incorportate both names into his new legal name when we adopt him.
If I simply leave his name as it legally is now, that is changing his name since the name he goes by won't be in there at all.
If I change his name, even if it is to what he goes by now, then he loses his birth name.
So, saying I would leave the names as they are isn't really an option, in my opinion, for him since then he would lose out and maybe then have issues with his identity later on.
We are trying to do what is best for them, they are paramount in this decision, but they cannot speak for themselves, it just seems we are screwed no matter what we decide. We leave it alone and they could have issues because of that, we change things a bit and they could have issues with that, we add things and they could have issues with that....
I want what is best for them, what makes them feel a part of our family and that they have not lost their past either. Our older foster son has already lost his birth name when he's with his birthparents, but he hasn't with us, but still we will be the ones blamed later on if it doesn't feel right for him.
I just don't know...
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K
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