[bromanchik]

[quote=DeNaJaOpen adoption may bea way for you and your other children to better adjust to the adoption while allowing you to enjoy your baby without all the pressure of parenting. [/QUOTE]

I really feel I have to address the myth of open adoption being a way to "enjoy your baby without all the pressure of parenting." Open adoption is hard. Seeing your child call someone else Mom, seeing your child become firmly attached to someone else is difficult. Walking away after a visit, especially if your child is young and you do not know if they will even recognise you the next visit can be heartbreaking. That does not mean it may not the right thing for you to do. I am a firm believer that open adoption, if an adoption needs to take place, is the best thing for the child and the mother. But open adoption can be really difficult for birthparents, especially in the beginning. There are many birthparents who choose semi-open adoption not becuse they do not want to enjoy their child, but because it is just too hard on them emotionally.

All this said, I think all of us benefited from open adoption in a myriad of ways despite the difficulties navigating the relationship. I was able to be at violin recitals ands baseball games. I got to go to his high school graduation and he got to go to my graduation when I got my MSW. Most importantly my son and I have never been strangers to each other. We have our own very special, relaxed relationship that most who go into reunion need years to achieve. There are no "lost years" for us. The loss is more about who we would both be had I parented him. The loss is that, no matter how close we get, I am still not his parent.

I guess my point is, do not see open adoption as this wonderful thing that will give you boundless pleasure and no responsibility. Being a birhparent in an open adoption is a lot of hard work and you are making a committment to your child to be an involved, consistant, positive presence in his or her life. It means you are there even if all you want to do is hide under a rock. There is a huge amount of responsibility in that.