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Originally Posted by Moongrl22
If my daughter choose not to have any relation with me and all she wanted is information/medical records etc,... she better go through my lawyer or the adoption agency. I'd rather not be contacted or have my family turned upside down. It would be my worst fear come true if my daughter didn't want any relation with me. Honestly, I'd rather hear from the adoption agency if she doesn't want any contact with me and end it at that point. I recently told my 11 year old daughter that it might be a possiblity that someday her big sister may not want to know us. What she said blew me away when she said "She's not greatful, you gave her life" well you could have had an abortion. WOW, I was stunned. I told her I would have never aborted her for any reason but we do have to respect her choice. I'm not saying it's not a Bmother's worst FEAR.
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But we can not control any of this.. How your birthdaughter perceives her world and or adoption and or relinquishment has nothing to do with you.. or your feelings.. or hopes and dreams..
We can not change who our kids are.. How they live in this world.. We just accept IMO.
I went through a lot of pain in my early days of reunion with my bson.. I wanted him to do things he was not willing to do.. I had my dreams and I had my fantasies.. and he did not fulfill them..
I needed to learn to accept him.. and let him go..
Today I am okay.. Today I am good.. with all of it.. He and I were separated a long time ago.. His path led away from me.. I think it takes a lot of work and love and patience to re-connect.. And trust..
I can remember an adoptee writing that she met another male adoptee who had had a real hard time with his amom in a long term care facility.. Apparently his amom was emotionally draining in her old age..
He said he did not want to take on another ‘mom’..
I just went through some emotionally draining time of my own with my father.. and boy oh boy do I understand this man..
And a person can say.. “Well I would be no trouble.”.. But how does the adoptee know this?
Its such a big big emotional commitment..
Jackie