|
"I can relate somewhat to what you say about the bonding process--the baby has not been born yet. After receiving the news that legal risk is no longer a threat, I realized that this was the first time I was very excited about the adoption. I had been holding back more than I thought. And I realize it would be so much more difficult when the baby was born, and with placement."
This was in a very sweet PM to me. I don't know what it is like to live a life without this constant fear. I like to think I have not been holding back - but I don't even know, and probably won't until/unless this nightmare ends.
I have decided that if I go on to get my PhD I am going to do my research and dissertation on bonding in failed and contested adoptions. That may be a long way off, but it is deeply instilled in me.
I know I love my son so much it is indescribable. I know my fear of losing him is incapacitating. I know my disgust at the court system is palpable. I know I will never be the same and that I used to live in a world of naivitivity. I know my family deserves peace. We all do.
|