[karm]

I'm Karyn and new to this forum and wanted to introduce myself. I dont have many friends that are adopting. 99.9% of them have gotten pregnant with in the first month of trying and dont really understand our journey. We are the last of our friends who does not have a child.

My story is unknown infertility. We tried for 2 1/2 years from clomid, IUI's, lots of shots, progesterone and polyp removal and burned out before getting to IVF.

DH and I always have said we would adopt if we couldnt conceive. We decided last September 05 that we were tired of so many negatives and wanted to just be parents. So we went forward with adoption and picked an agency in our state. Our homestudy was done in December. Domestic is the way we decide to go. We picked a facilitator and in February our book(letter) was ready for Birth mother's to read. Then it was waiting, waiting and more waiting. We got picked the end of May. The day before the baby was going to be born (and we had booked the plane tickets) we found out our birth mother had lied to us and is a drug addict and has other medical issues because of this. The baby was born with cocaine addiction and many other issues. We made the hardest decision to not go forward with the adoption. It was so hard on us but we know that we can not handle a baby with these kinds of issues.

So now we are just waiting again to be picked. I'm trying to be optimistic but Im scared that what if the next birth mother lies to us again. We are trying to take this experience as a learning one and to now think of ourselves as parents to be. Has anyone had this experience and how did you get through it? How do you deal with the waiting? How do you trust again?

I hope to learn from many of you and be able share.
-K