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Originally Posted by bromanchik
No, you do not have to respect him, respect is something definately earned. However, your answers and attitude are sending a message to your son that you consider part of who he is to be worthless. In not "caring", in not wanting to know about him, you are invalidating your son's need to know. Not everything is black and white and even the most dysfunctional people have some redeeming qualities. You need to find those qualities for the sake of your son. Just because you do not care about his birthfather does not mean he does not as well. He would not have asked about him if he did not have some kind of interest.
And bottom line... they do share genetic material. They may share physical characteristics as well as skills and temperament. Helping him find the positive things he shares with his birthfather as well as helping him understand his fathers actions and how they affected his birthfamily, are both important tasks.
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My son's siblings, as well as his pregnant mother, lived in a car because of his birth father's actions. When I tell him not to worry about this person who ran back to Mexico you can almost see the relief on son's face.
Not every kid has a 'dad'. My son had a 'doner'. It's easier to tell him that we respect him and his more solid views about life and family. He has two families now and the capacity to make his own decisions. We leave the care of his birth father in God's hands. There's no animosity on anyone's part, at least in this house, but the siblings are unified in their feeling that he's not someone they ever want to see again.