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fwiw, our dd's birthdad is a sex offender, gang member and drug addict and this is what I plan to tell dd about him... I'll eventually give her the full story of what we know when she is much older, but this is sort of the "elementary years" version.
"I don’t know where he’s at or what he’s doing now, but when you were born and while you were a baby, your birthfather was making a lot of irresponsible choices.
He was using drugs, and doing other really bad things. As a result of this, he had to go to jail. When he got out of jail, he kept making bad choices. His life was very unstable and it would have been impossible for him to raise a baby safely. Usually, people use drugs and do illegal things because they’re very hurt and sad inside. I pray for your birthdad, that God will heal his hurts and help him be responsible and make better choices. I hope is able to get off drugs and have a good life. I don’t know if that’s going to happen, but it’s what I pray for."
It's not perfect, but it's the best I can come up with. I don't know any good things about him, so I can't share those with dd. Maybe we can do "I wonder if..." As in "Your birthdad was really tall. I wonder if he liked to play basketball?" I think I'm going to be saying "I wonder if..." and "maybe" a lot when I talk about him.
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