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I always see there was lying, deception, and they were told to just get on with their lives, someone else made all the decisions for them and so on. I've never read a story where the bmom said well I was a party animal in those days and well things just happened and I just didn't feel like being a mom.
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Well, I was not a party animal by any stretch of the imagination. I was young and "in love" or so I thought, my daughters bfather was my "first" in every sense of the word, from first time to first love. He was a year younger than I and when I found out I was pregnant, I was 16 and he was only 15. I knew that adoption was the right choice for me, my mother was a single parent and was doing the best she could to raise myself and my sister, I could not put the burden of caring for my child on her too and I knew that I was unable to do it on my own. I knew as well, that my daughters bfather was too young to be any sort of parent and that his parents were too lax in there parenting skills for me to trust them to help. Lets just say that the birthfather was allowed to do pretty much whatever he liked, from drinking to well.....other unlawful acts as long as they were at home. This was in no way something I could allow for my child, so I felt like adoption was my only other alternative, excluding the other "A" word which was never an option. I was decieved in the fact that I didn't know anything about adoption, that I could have an "open" adoption, and that I could pick her parents and so on. I thought the fact that I did pick her parents even though I didn't meet them, we did speak, was an open adoption. However, since I've found this site, I've learned that what I had was in no way an open adoption. Anyhow, I don't know if my story helps you or not, but I just wanted you to know that I was not forced or tricked into my decision, I truly thought that I made the right choice. I just knew that I was too young and too immature to care for another when I had not yet learned take care of myself, I couldn't deny my bdaughter the chance of having two parents to love her and give her everything she needed. I don't just mean worldly goods, I mean healthcare, food and a stable home with a roof over her head. I don't know if this is what you were looking for, but I know that for me, once was all I could handle, I could not have placed another child. It took all I had to get on with my life past that point, two years of therapy, a wonderfully supportive mother and sister, and friends. There is still pain, but it is definitely better. I'm sending you a great big hug, and I hope that you can move on from here without all the anger.
Michelle